Bob Saget makes a thick plan

So I open my locker and there it is. A manilla envelope. Enclosed in said envelope is a list of tasks I must do. First thing on there was to stay home the 25th of november. as you can see i completed that so far. Next I must wait here until I meet my informant for more tasks. Lone and behold there is a knock on my door.Can you guess who it was? King Bob Saget. He tells me I must travel far away and destroy someone name Methan Mulz. Whoever that is. So  I guess I have to go to washburn sometime today and sabotage a white g6 or a buick if he is still driving that. So if he is reading this....Dont press your brakes too hard ;)
                                                                                         Yours Truly,
                                                                                                               Jesse Neature Swanson.

Danny Tanner's first turkey 13.

Well i woke up this morning and i had a guy trying to kill me so that kinda sucked. But anyway i threw a whole bunch of straw at his head to confuse him. I ran through his legs. I then left the farm very sneakily and hitched a ride with a young man. He told me his name was Bob Saget. He seemed like a nice man. We went to his house and he introduced me to his family. He said "Everyone I want you to meet Turkey he will be our dinner guest tomorrow for Thanksgiving." That night I was sleeping so well but suddenly I was  taken in the night into the backyard I couldnt see anything. My head was severed. I could still sense the things around me. I felt seasoning and a really hot oven... Then I hear Bob talking..He was saying a prayer for thanksgiving and that's all I remember before entering Bob's mouth.

Bob Swaget invents a sport

BOB really liked having dead wives so he made a game involving dead wives. He made a game where you would randomly kill your wife and blame it on some random disease. It is a sad thing that he would come up with that but his sick twisted mind just plotted the worst game ever. But my game would consist of hide and seek, a taser and a flashlight in a school. We would have 7-10 hiders and 1 seeker at a time. This would take place in a school where you can hide anywhere with a flashlight the seeker gets nothing but a taser. Once he finds someone he tasers them in the buttocks. After that they must help find the others.

whyd that little stink cross the road?

A common problem many human beings face is something simple. It is how to answer the question "Why did the chicken cross the road?". Well I have my own theory. The chicken one day produced 9 eggs. It then realized that there is also 9 letters in McDonalds. So he went to Mcdonalds and ordered a small fry. Once he was finished all that was left was salt. He came to the idea that salt at McDonalds is from North Korea. Next he went to North Korea and played a game of Ping pong with Kim Jung Un. The chicken won, the score was 3-0. There are 3 sides to a triangle and there are 8 letters in ping pong and that equals 11 and there were 13 original colonies and 13-2 is 11. Therefore the chicken crossing the road is ILLUMINATI!!!!